3 Keys to being a successful swinger.
1. Communication
Communicate with your spouse and your partners.
Your spouse: Communication is the cornerstone to any relationship let alone a relationship that will be put through all the trials of the lifestyle. Learning how to be honest is the first step, then learning how to talk about everything and forgive each other are the next vital steps to making communication come easier.
Your Partner: Talk to your partner ahead of time, find out what they enjoy and what their rules are. Then make sure to share your own likes and rules. It’s also important to learn how to communicate during sex or during a situation so it can be stopped or changed as soon as possible if needed. It is okay to tell some ‘easy’, ‘harder’, ‘cum for me baby’ or ‘I need a break’. Figure out what you can say in different situations so you can protect and advocate for yourself, especially as a woman. It always surprises me how excited or happy it makes guys when I tell them what I do and don't want.
2. Stay Positive
Positivity is contagious! We’re all looking for fun, energetic, like-minded people; people that avoid drama and have great communication with each other. A lot of us call this chemistry, but in reality I think that it’s all about feeling good about where your potential partners are at in their own relationship. You want to get the feeling that they are in this for fun and friends, not looking for a new spouse. You want to have great conversations about your hobbies, work, family and other fun lifestyle experiences.
3. Manage Your Expectations
Think of the last time you got upset about something. It was most likely due to an expectation not living up to what you had in your mind. For instance, you take your dog to the vet. You were prepared for them to just fix the problem, since it didn't seem like that big of a deal to you. But when they want to run a bunch of tests and send home a ton of medications, it can be frustrating because you thought it should've been a quick and easy fix.
The same thing applies to the lifestyle. If you walk into a party expecting that you are going to have everyone just come running to you as soon as you walk through the door and drag you into the play rooms, you’ve got another thing coming, and a vivid imagination. This is real life. Real life gets awkward sometimes. You're walking into a room of other people who want to meet other like minded people.
Yes, it is a sex club (or swinger party), but that doesn't mean everyone there is willing to play that minute or with just anyone. Some people use the clubs as a meet and greet scenario, to find people they’re attracted to and then potentially play with, at a later date. Some people come just for fun. For others, it may be that time of the month or they just don't want to play that day, and still others are DTF. Each person and couple is different and you need to take the time to figure them out.
If you walk in with a goal of having sex with 3 people at this party, you may be over expecting and be upset if and when that doesn't happen. Manage your expectations by only expecting to mingle and dance and have fun but be open to more happening. Do not get discouraged if you’re not hitting it off with everyone or that you didn’t play with anyone at your first party. Expectations are what kill your positivity.
Drama and hostility can be so obvious and off putting that it just makes things more awkward. Anyone projecting negativity will continue to push people away. This is the exact opposite of what you want to have happen. We are all there to have fun. Managing your expectations, like expecting to just have fun socializing, dancing and drinking, will prove to help you immensely. This way if you do get lucky, you’ll only walk away excited.
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